Troubled Souls

"Troubled Souls" is a series of speculative photos that attempt to depict how the world might look and feel to those experiencing mental trauma. These images combine self-portraiture, street photography and abstract imagery with slow shutter techniques to create an unsettling, delusory atmosphere. I won't pretend that these images are easy to understand or that I truly understand what I'm trying to say with them myself. I'm quite an impulsive photographer, my images for this series come from within me, reacting instinctively to how a scene or situation has made me feel. The resultant images have been inspired in part by my own experiences of depression and the disturbing effects of anti-depressants. The main influence on this project are my childhood memories of my Mom, Anne, who struggled for much of her adult life with mental illness. As her eldest son, I was expected to help her, even though I had no idea what to do or what was wrong with her. My Mom's odd behaviours and outbursts were just a part of who she was. I didn't know any different, didn't every Mother shout at things that weren't there or whisper conspiratorially to unseen accomplices? Mom's lethargies and confinements in hospital were just part of the patchwork of my childhood. Schizophrenia wasn't even part of the vocabulary until I was much older, and even then we didn't talk about it. Her illness ebbed and flowed, rising up like a breathless tide engulfing her. And when it happened, we lived with it and it was dealt with behind closed doors. It was only much later as an adult, when I succumbed to a bout of severe depression, that I glimpsed the depths of fear and loneliness that my Mom must have felt back then. In making this project I'm trying to make some sort of peace with those unspoken memories that haunt me to this day. The manifestations of Mom's illness were difficult and sometimes embarrassing to be around; it hurts me now to think that I felt that way. I never understood and what I wouldn't give to go back for just a day with Mom to talk it out and show her that I understand. But back then none of us truly understood what was happening, least of all Mom. So, in the hope of understanding her better, I dedicate this series to my Mom, Anne, a gentle troubled soul, whose warm embrace I miss everyday. Jay Mason-Burns, January 2022.

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